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Sixteen (Part I of the Agony Trilogy)
16.
And what have I to show for it?
Cynical, embittered, saddened, and twisted
With but a flickering flame of hope inside
Fueled merely by rage
Rage at things I can do nothing about
Yet, even this burning, bubbling, rage
Has begun to cool and settle into apathy
I have ne'er loved...
Or been loved for that matter...
A kiss from warm, soft, yielding lips,
It does appear I shall ne'er know either.
So as I sit here huddled and shivering
Alone and troubled with my worries
I resign myself to despair
And settle into the soft comforting embrace of oblivion.
-Jason Straub
Lonesome Wretch (Part II of the Agony Trilogy)
It's twelve fuckin' forty-nine in the morning
I lay tossing and turning
But, sleep still evades me
Stray visions of a beautiful smile
Drift behind my closed eyelids
And the knowledge that I am the last...
Echoes hollowly in my brain
Everyone else has someone
Why can't I?
Why can't I know the joy and happiness...
The joy and happiness of love?
They do!
Why can't I?
-Jason Straub
Happiness (Part III of the Agony Trilogy)
I've never asked for much
And Lord knows, I've gotten it
All I want is one moment of pure unadulterated happiness
Is that too much to ask for?
I should think not...
One peaceful moment of that which I have ne'er known
Yet, all others seem to know about…
Happiness.
But what do I have?
Loneliness,
Of course.
Cynicism,
I have that as well,
And a bit of bitterness mixed with rage and tears.
Yes, all these things are mind.
What is this happiness?
Apparently something I am not worthy of.
So I've had enough,
And I think I'll just cash in my onyx chips of depression,
And head out of this pitiful thing call humanity...
Mortality...
Happiness.
What's that?
Perhaps I'll ne'er know.
-Jason Straub
Return to the Shadows
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